One day I woke up and found I was going to be 50! I really don't know how that happened without my noticing.
Worse, there was so much I still had not even begun, so many opportunites not explored let alone taken.
So often I had said to myself - 3 years, that is so long to study, I can use my time better. Six months - I can't wait that long - I will borrow and get it now!
It was not a good year - 50. Menopause - I know now that God is male because surely no woman would make a sister go through that! Mind you some of the women I have known would probably derive great satisfaction from doing so.
No party to celebrate - mostly because I could not summon the energy to clean the house. Three years later and I am just beginning the decluttering with great reluctance. How things have been let go.
It is rather easy to say I will do it tomorrow. Unfortunately when you keep saying that, tomorrow never comes.
The amazing thing to me is how age just creeps up on you. You start by waking up stiff in the morning and it is hard to walk down the stairs. You think "Oh I must have strained something and it will get better". It doesn't of course.
You go to the doctor and talk about arthritis and are put on blood presure meds and have blood tests that reveal your lifestyle has you on the brink of diabetes. It frightens you and for a short time you change your ways and then next thing you are worse than ever.
Absolutely all the will power in the world - I will have that cake, I will sit in front of the computer all day. I will use every and any excuse to do nothing. I will wait till tomorrow to make a new start.
You read motivational websites and blogs and diet books and blogs.
Silly girl - why don't you just get back to life. Go play and work some of those 40 odd horses you have accrued.
And stop sitting here at 8 o'clock in the morning writing on a blog and go and feed them!